Wanna Get High?
by MobBob
Summary: One-Shot: Chloe, Beca, and Stacie smoke some weed after a particularly hard practice.


When Beca and Chloe got out of practice, the two were fuming. "Is it just me or is Aubrey more of a bitch than usually?" said Beca.

"Yeah," said Chloe. "She and Rape Whistle Girl had a fight and now she's not getting any sex."

"Do you think she'll lighten up if we buy her a hooker or two?" said Beca.

"No," said Chloe. "We don't have the money."

"Do you think it's weird that we don't remember Rape Whistle Girl's real name?" said Beca.

"I think I remember," said Chloe. "I thought it was Beth."

"Really?" said Beca. "Wasn't it Sarah?"

The two walked by Stacie. "Hey Stacie," said Chloe.

"Hey guys," said Stacie. "So, who else needs something to recover from practice?"

"You read my mind," said Beca. "I was thinking of getting some beer."

"Yeah you could do that," said Stacie. "Personally I was thinking of opening a bag of weed I bought last weekend."

"You smoke weed?" said Chloe.

"Yeah," said Stacie.

"Have you ever smoked pot before?" said Beca.

"No," said Chloe. "I have to be in tip top shape for the Bellas."

"So you're saying that no musician has ever gotten high?" said Beca.

"It's stereotypes like that that keep people from taking choir seriously as an art form," said Chloe.

"Anyways," said Stacie. "Do you wanna get high?"

"Sure." Beca looked to Chloe. "Do you wanna join us?"

"No," said Chloe. "You can go and get high all you want, but I'm not gonna put that stuff in me."

* * *

><p>As Chloe inhaled the joint, she felt absolutely nothing. Beca, who was on the floor, and Stacie were high as kites, but she felt completely normal. Chloe looked at the two. Beca's eyes were following the chain of a fan back and forth. This continued long after the chain had stopped moving. Eventually Beca got bored and turned to Stacie. "Hey, do you think we should give this to Aubrey? You know, since she's acting like a bitch since she stopped having sex."<p>

"How can you have sex with pot?" said Stacie. This got the two to giggle uncontrollably.

"I honestly don't get what the big deal is," said Chloe. "This stuff isn't doing anything for me."

For some reason, this caused Stacie and Beca to giggle even harder. Chloe rolled her eyes in annoyance.

After awhile the two stopped laughing and went back to contemplating their navels. "Don't you think that it looks weird if you look at it?" said Beca.

"I think it looks pretty," said Stacie. "There's a cool pattern down there."

"Why's it there?" said Beca. "What purpose does it serve?"

"I don't know," said Stacie. "I'm not an evolutionist."

"Is that even a profession?" said Beca.

"I don't know," said Stacie. "Hey, I just thought of something!"

"What?" said Beca, who had now turned her attention back to the fan's chain.

"I was just thinking about objectification," said Stacie. "And I realized that I'm not an object, because I can think and objects don't..."

"I'm with you," said Beca.

"...But when people think of me as a sex object, I'm being objectified," said Stacie.

"Okay," said Beca.

"And objectifying someone means they're seeing me as an object," said Stacie. "So when someone thinks of me as an object, they're turning me into an object."

"Makes sense," said Beca.

"So if you see a skunk and see it as a cat," said Stacie. "You're turning that skunk into a cat."

"That went right over me head," said Beca. "You should go tell a professor about that. You know what I mean?"

"Yeah," said Stacie. "I think I know what you mean."

Chloe had to bite her tongue to stop herself from laughing. She might not be high, but this was hilarious. Chloe decided to join in and adopted the most stereotypical stoner accent she could. "Whoa guys, do you ever wonder why it's called pot? I mean it doesn't hold anything, right?"

Stacie and Beca enthusiastically nodded in agreement. "Yeah, I was just thinking about that too," said Stacie.

"Maybe someone made a mistake," said Beca. "And they were too embarrassed to admit it."

"Whoa, that makes total sense." Chloe widened her eyes. "I should have thought of that sooner."

"Don't beat yourself up," said Beca. "It happens to all of us."

"Hey, do we have chips?" said Stacie.

"I don't know," said Beca. "This is your apartment."

"It is?" said Chloe. "I totally spaced it."

Stacie got up and went over to her kitchen and looked through the cupboard. "Do you guys like Doritos?"

"Yeah," said Chloe. "I love Doritos."

"Well I don't have any," said Stacie.

Beca got up on Chloe's lap. "Hey Chloe, do you want to braid my hair?"

"Are you sure?" said Chloe. "Your hair is so short."

"I'll grow it out," said Beca.

"Fine." Chloe took Beca's hair in her hand and pretended to braid it. After awhile Beca demanded to see how things were going. Chloe pulled out her phone and let Beca check out her hair in the reflection.

"Yeah, I like it," said Beca. "Do you do this often."

"Aubrey always needs me to fix her hair," said Chloe.

Beca gave Chloe a weird look. "Are you gay for Aubrey?"

"No," said Chloe.

"Are you sure?" said Beca. "I'm cool with that stuff. I once touched tongues with my cousin. She was a girl."

"Yeah, I think that was implied," said Chloe.

"Was it?" said Beca.

Stacie came back from the kitchen with a bag of chips, which was half empty. "What took you so long?" said Chloe.

"I had to find the chips," said Stacie.

"This is your apartment," said Chloe. "How long does it take to find chips?"

"No chips for you then," said Stacie.

Stacie sat down and turned on the TV. She flipped around. "Stop here," said Beca.

It was a channel that showed an informercial. "Are you having trouble closing a bag of chips?" said the announcer.

"Oh my god!" said Stacie. "I'm eating chips right now!"

"Oh my god!" said Beca. "It's like I'm psychic."

The two stared at the TV, hypnotized by the people having trouble eating chips. Chloe made no pretense of hiding her laughter.

"Hey Chloe," said Beca. "Can you take a picture of me?"

Chloe wiped a tear from her eye. "Yeah, I can do that."

"I want to show everyone on Facebook your braiding," said Beca.

Chloe took the picture. "Are you sure you want to upload this to Facebook?"

"Yeah," said Beca. "Is there something wrong with it?"

"No," said Chloe. "Upload it."

"Alright." Beca took Chloe's phone and uploaded the picture. "How's this for a caption: What do you think of my new do?"

"Perfect," said Chloe, who was rolling on the floor with laughter.

"Shhh," said Stacie. "I'm trying to watch."

On the TV, there was a man who somehow managed to rip open an entire bag of chips. "What a loser," said Beca.

* * *

><p>After the infomercial was over, Beca and Stacie sobered up. With no more weed and Stacie haven eaten all the chips, Beca and Chloe left. Outside Beca turned to Chloe. "So, what'd you think?"<p>

"I don't think it worked on me," said Chloe.

Beca giggled. "Really? You were the one who said 'Do you ever wonder why it's called pot?' You sounded like something out of a stoner flick."

Chloe smiled. "I was just pretending for you guys."

"Right, you were just pretending," said Beca.

"Hey Beca," said Chloe. "Did you check your Facebook?"

"Why?" said Beca suspiciously.

"No reason," said Chloe. "Just curious."


End file.
